Kenton J. Kutney

'The Value of Hurtful Conflict' The value of what? I don't mind saying it took a psychologist to unpack that phrase for me. It sounds paradoxical to suggest that conflict could be of any value (especially when you are on the receiving end of the pain)! And yet, when John Radford, Ph.D. Organizational Psych., explained that statistically one's performance improvement is directly correlated with increasing one's capacity for conflict, I was intrigued. We all have first hand experience, I imagine, with the negatives that can ensue from conflict; maybe that's why instinctively we either turn away from it or get louder in order to win faster. But what would happen if we stayed in the conflict a little longer ... just slowed things down a bit? Is there anything positive that could result? Well, clearly there might be some things we'd have to unlearn as we confront our reality. That's not a bad thing. First, unlearning takes as much of a commitme...

The Value of Hurtful Conflict ... Cont'd What value can there possibly be in conflict? Is the only hope in resolution? Last time we looked at how one's performance improvement is directly correlated with increasing one's capacity for conflict. If that's true, it calls for an approach quite different from the old 'fight or flight' reflex. We have to consider: What would happen if we purposely committed to staying in conflict a little longer. The commitment to work through a conflict could be life changing because it can dramatically increase not only what you can learn about what's going on around you, but also what's going on in you. Conflict is a necessary process for un-learning on a daily basis that challenges and reshapes our position for better solutions. Naturally, this kind of commitment is easier to make with someone you love and respect. But there are plenty of situations ...